I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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