I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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