he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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