So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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