I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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