thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
