I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
