i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
