Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
