You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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