An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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