It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
