Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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