Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
