I cannot find my penis.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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