I bet he comes in French.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
