You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think my cat just said my name.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
