U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize