the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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