My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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