so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize