Umm I'm too high to move.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
