It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
