Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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