Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
