I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just shotgunned beers for America
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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