You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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