Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
