What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
