The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
