Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
