so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
