I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
