dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
