Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
