The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i drank out of a bidet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
