she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
