Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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