I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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