Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
