I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You ruined the universe
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
