he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
