I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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