I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
