Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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