I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
