Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize