Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
