we have pet lesbian snakes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
