My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
