I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
