yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize