You really coming over, don't trick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
