U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
