it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize