People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
