hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
