I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
